Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Steamer Six-Pack: Super Bowl/Sick Contributors Edition Sponsored by Zima Pineapple Citrus

                              "Zomething different"

Disclaimer: Both myself and Bobby Platten are under the weather today, although we are steadfast in believing that answering the following six questions will only strengthen our respective legacies. Over the years, there have been numerous incidents where Cleveland sports bloggers have defined the odds and produced formidable material.  Who could ever forget the guy who runs Cleveland Frowns hurling up blood as he pounded away on his keyboard to let the world know how working at the Plain Dealer had absolutely corrupted Tony Grossi? With my eleven year vomit-free streak in severe jeopardy, here is your Steamer Six-Pack: Super Bowl/Sick Contributor Edition. And, as always, sponsored by Zima Pineapple Citrus. 

Question 1: Is the Super Bowl nowadays worthy of the massive hype, or has the hoopla officially gone completely overboard?

Bobby Platten: It has gone completely overboard. If you're a team playing in the game it has become more how are you going to handle the "noise" surrounding the game than it is how you are going to actually play in the damn game. 

Kevin Scheid: Regardless of how popular any event may currently be, NOTHING is deserving of this type of suffocating devotion. Modern America as a whole has become a culture of excess and redundancy, and the Super Bowl coverage perfectly embodies this trait. Between a week filled with a selective few narratives being shoved down the public's throat at every opportunity (The "Jerome Bettis is from Detroit!" storyline has thrown itself in front of a bus after its envy of Ray Lewis retirement segments was simply too unbearable.) and a Super Bowl pregame show long enough that Dan Marino's lovechild just turned 30 years old, it makes even hardcore NFL junkies like me completely resent the collective worship for the NFL.

Question 2: Which transpires first: Cleveland hosting a Super Bowl, or the Browns playing in a Super Bowl?

Bobby Platten: 
Browns playing in the Super Bowl. As crazy as that sounds. I just do not see Cleveland ever getting the Super Bowl. The outdoor super bowl in NYC is going to be disaster and I still say it is a little far-fetched that Haslam will be putting a dome over the stadium. I mean has an open-air stadium ever been converted to a dome before? Is this even possible? Even if JH3 pulls it off does anyone really believe the NFL will award the Super Bowl to Cleveland?

Kevin Scheid: Since Cleveland is stuck somewhere between Damascus, Syria and Atlantis on the NFL's list of Desired Super Bowl Locations, by default, the Browns playing in a Super Bowl is a likelier scenario. My hope of being able to watch the Browns win a Super Bowl with my grandfather grows dimmer every year, and my hunch tells me that my own grandchildren will share the same dream as the organization eventually approaches towards a full century of futility. 

Question 3: What is your favorite Super Bowl memory?

Bobby Platten: Too many to choose from. John Elway winning back to back in the 90s... Ray Lewis winning the MVP for Art Modell... The Steelers beating the Seahawks in one the most one sided officiated games I've ever seen... Watching Ben Roethlisberger throw a game winning TD pass to Santonio Holmes...Nipplegate.

Kevin Scheid: A tie between U2'S emotionally-charged halftime performance for the first Super Bowl following 9/11 and Bill Belichick storming off to the showers before the game clock expired as the Patriots' perfect season was dismantled by the Giants. 

Question 4: If you could invite any three people, dead or alive, to your Super Bowl party, who are you calling?

Bobby Platten: Jim Brown, Bernie Kosar and Tony Rizzo. (In my dreams..) More realistically my dad, brother and cousin.

Kevin Scheid: F. Scott Fitzgerald, a 25-year old Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Holmgren. Fitzgerald's French Onion dip is so delightful that it will "murder your darlings."

Question 5: Who wins the big game tonight and what is the final score?

Bobby Platten: 49ers 27 Ravens 20

Kevin Scheid: Ravens 23, 49ers 17

Question 6: Favorite member of each set of brothers: Harbaughs, Baldwins, Kennedys, Wayans, Scheids.

Bobby Platten: Jim. Alec. Bobby. Marlan. Adam.

Kevin Scheid: Fuck you, Bob....


Saturday, February 2, 2013

Allow Us To Reintroduce Ourselves....

                                         "WE ARE BAAACK!!!"

That's right, Cleveland's foremost authority on sports, self-loathing and snark has made a comeback of Lazarus-like proportions. And may I proudly add, without any assistance from deer-antler spray! During the website's hiatus a.k.a. The Crew's collective Reddit Gone Wild Plus addiction, the exhausting paradox that is Cleveland sports, ("The more things change, the more they remain the same.") remained relevant as ever. The failed quest for a franchise quarterback to don the orange and brown along with its subsequent agony and misfortune continue to rival only Captain Ahab at sea on the hunt for the white whale. Meanwhile, yet ANOTHER complete overhaul has transpired in the Browns front office, although the latest change includes ownership. Yes, truck-stop magnate and self-aggrandizing reality show star, Jimmy Haslam, ("THE MAN IS WORKING HIS GLUTES ON THE ELLIPTICAL AT 4:30 AM! HE CANNOT BE STOPPED!!") may be the new sheriff in Berea, OH. However, his predecessor in Randolph D. Lerner (the D is for DawgPoundMike) will not soon be forgotten as tomorrow's column will take a special look at the comedy of errors which occurred under Randy's gold encrusted watch.

In the summer of 2011, the Cavs ushered in a new era by drafting precocious 20-year old All-Star and budding superstar, Kyrie Irving. The Pepsi pitchman's arrival to Northeast Ohio has given the area's basketball faithful hope for an eventual return into contention and at the very least ensured safety from being placed into NBA purgatory for the next decade. Across the street from Cleveland's hoops headquarters, two-time World Series champion Terry Francona was somehow sold on the prospects of succeeding a manager in Manny Acta who he was not even the most popular or respected coach on his own staff. Although the ownership and front office were expected to search for their next skipper internally or via the staff members on the Tire World payroll, they were able to land Francona who ostensibly had a plethora of suitors interested in vying for his services. Yet, between his affinity both personally and professionally for Indians President Mark Shapiro and General Manager Chris Antonetti coupled with the unwanted guilt from Bob DiBiasio's inevitable seppuku on Public Square if he turned down the gig, Francona signed on to lead the club from the dugout for the next four years. The hiring along with the Nick Swisher signing has sparked a well-overdue jolt of excitement and optimism in Wahoo World.

Inspired by all three Cleveland professional sports teams's major additions over the past couple of years, we here at the Steamer are about to launch a few of our own exhilarating, even stimulating, new features. Brace yourselves for a Cleveland's Steamer Gift Shop consisting of such essential items as an Eric Snow snow globe, a Spergon Wynn t-shirt prominently displaying the caption "Wynning!" on it, and 58 of Greg Little's 75 parking tickets during his college tenure. Rest assured that all of your transactions will be safely processed in accordance with the fine people of some Western Union bank in Nigeria, regardless of what anyone from the U.S. Federal Trade Commission may claim! (The vast majority of them are total Steeler honks, anyways.) A Where Are They Now? Cleveland Sports Edition is scheduled to be featured on the site in the very near future with former Cleveland Indians starting pitcher and fugitive of the Albanian government, Dave Burba, selected as the inaugural subject. An entirely new derivation of podcasts entitled "mockcasts" will become a main staple on the blog as will podcasts themselves featuring Steamer contributors along with various esteemed guests. Before you choose to dive head-first into this brave new world which is about to be created, make sure to adhere to your social media duties by "liking" us on Facebook (  and following us on Twitter (@ClevelandsSteam).

2013 is already shaping up to be another year where our beloved, bumbling Browns, Cavs and Indians more often than not find themselves, to quote Cavs swingman and the Oscar Wilde of NBA chuckers, C.J. Miles, "strapped to the toilet." However, unlike in years past, Cleveland's Steamer will be a reliable and enduring source of entertainment, information and therapy for the nation's most beleaguered yet beastly fan base. So, join the pity party and let's berate Joe Banner for having the appearance of a serial sex offender who.just smelled a fresh fart, together!

Kevin Scheid

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Maybe Joakim Noah Was Right...

Three months ago, when Cleveland's Steamer launched and thus set sports journalism back hundreds of years, the state of Cleveland sports was not particularly impressive. The Browns had registered just one victory in early October with an offense that specialized in forcing four yard passes and Sunday afternoon naps. Our Tribe was fresh off their second consecutive 90 loss season which is a first for the franchise since 1914-1915. Of course, images of the Indians of 1914 and '15 are still burned in the memories of Northeastern Ohioans, as most of us can still hear Elmer Smith's name be introduced at League Park as he arrived at home plate by a young Les Levine. Lastly, the Cavaliers were about to embark on a new season and a return to NBA obscurity that felt similar to losing a house-sitting gig for a bumping, party palace and being forced to return to your apartment efficiency. Yet, as the new year takes fold, the shape of our mighty teams has turned from bad to worse here in the capital of sports hell.

Today, the Browns announced the hiring of Pat Shurmur as their head coach. Shurmur served the past two seasons as offensive coordinator for the St. Louis Rams and up until last week only Wikipedia knew he actually existed. Though Shurmur could potentially end up being a smashing success that puts the likes of Paul Brown and Bill Walsh to shame, the fanbase of Cleveland must be forgiven for not being terribly excited over the fifth head coach hiring in thirteen seasons, while Pittsburgh and Baltimore prepare for what has nearly become their annual playoff classic this weekend. The Indians continue to take quantum leaps towards essentially transforming into a minor league franchise, and if anyone cares to dispute that notion then they should look no further than the team's reaction to signing silver slugger Austin Kearns. The penny-pinching spinmeisters in ownership gave the greenlight for not one but TWO press conferences to announce that Kearns and his career .257 batting average were returning to Wahoo World. The Tribe considered but ultimately passed on other methods to celebrate the good news such as replacing the statue of the late, great Bob Feller at Progressive Field with a golden one of Kearns, televising an "Austin Kearns trivia only!" themed episode for Beer Money on STO, and selling Kearns' sperm samples in the Indians Team Shop.

However, the first-place prize for being the most embarassing failure to their respective sport must belong to the sorry-assed, limp-dicked trainwreck that is the Cleveland Cavaliers. The Cavs gave a valiant effort against the defending champion Los Angeles Lakers on Tuesday night and came up just short losing by a mere 55 points in a final score of 112-57. The game was the least competitive event that the NBA has produced in a long time, and seemed to only be missing a bucket of confetti poured on Fred McLeod's mane to be considered a stop on the Harlem Globetrotters world tour. Not surprisingly, as fate would have it the former savior of Northeast Ohio, LeBron James, though continuing to live in a bubble of self-delusion where he can do no wrong and his piss is more sacred than holy water is leading his Miami Heat to one of the NBA's top records. Florida also happens to own the bragging rights of being the only state in the union not to receive any snowfall, while the rest of the U.S. is trying to shovel its way out of the new Ice Age.But don't look for the local sports teams to provide any enjoyable escape from the winter of discontent here along the shores of Lake Erie.

With the Cavs now joining the Indians in the prestigous category of practically unwatchable franchises in Cleveland, and the NFL's impending lockout inevitably soon to become the hot button issue in the sports world, the state of the Browns, Indians and Cavaliers collectively has never been bleaker. After enduring a year where the greatest Cavalier and local prodigy quit in the playoffs and split town in a disgraceful manner, the best Browns player decided to feud with Browns President Mike Holmgren for baffling reasons and then spurn the fans at an honoring ceremony, and the all-time Indian passed away in late December, common logic would indicate that the following year would at least be a general improvement. However, as the immortal Clevelander and friend of the blog, Scott Raab told me in regards to the plague that is Cleveland sports : "It will only get worse. It always does." Allow me to paraphrase Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings: "Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Browns fans." See you at the NFL Draft...


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Fans or Fools?

Blaise Pascal once said that, “It is the fight alone that pleases us, not the victory.”  To witness the Cleveland Cavaliers be thoroughly outplayed by the Miami Heat was certainly disheartening considering the significance of the game. The fact that the Cavs seemed pre-occupied with hugging and giggling with the player at the center of the storm rather than legitimately trying to make a statement to the fans and even themselves was completely baffling and insulting. Though, with the way the landscape of the NBA has altered over the past decade, it should be no surprise that the players in the league feel much more of a bond with their opponents than they do with their own fan base. Gone are the days of the “Bad Boy Pistons” of Detroit who likely took greater pride in paying the medical bills for the other squad’s star than covering the check for the post-game meal with the team who just defeated them. Hell, one of the leaders from those Piston teams, Rick Mahorn, was suspended two years ago as an assistant coach for a WNBA team after he allegedly shoved a female player during a brawl. Of course, the merits over whether or not the physical conduct of the late ‘80s and early ‘90s went overboard can be debated. However, there is no denying that the association’s brutal nature has morphed into a type of congeniality that one would expect to see at a pickup game for a church picnic. And that is where the great disconnect in today’s NBA lies.

       Anyone who watched, listened or even read about Thursday night’s game could understand how meaningful this game was for Cavs fans and the entire Greater Cleveland community. The 18th game of this regular season was by far the most important for the Cavs and one where they needed to try to win at all costs. Instead, the raucous, sell-out crowd was treated to lifeless, lackluster play from the home team and even worse, tender embraces between some of the Cavaliers and former high-school state champion LeBron James. Speaking after the game to media members from all over the planet, James channeled his inner Michael Corleone when he stated, “It’s not personal” regarding his relationship with his former admiring fans. So, here is a man who branded himself as a “hometown hero” that understood the agony of the area and whose sugardaddies at Nike erected a billboard in downtown Cleveland with him posing as a messiah figure telling the natives that it’s strictly business. Although, the players on the Cleveland Cavaliers bench didn’t take James’ obnoxious announcement personally that they weren’t adequate enough for his talents, the fans of the Cleveland Cavaliers did, and for that, we as fans are the biggest losers of all.

        We are losers for worshipping a spoiled egomaniac who never returned any gratitude or respect and believing that our unflattering signs and chants would inflict the same amount of pain that we burdened after his departure. We are losers for assuming “our” team composed of multi-millionaires actually embraced the name on the front of their jerseys as much as what is listed on the back of it. We are losers for ignoring how we essentially hold the cards regarding power in professional sports. When mega-douchebag and recipient of 18 separate criminal charges, Matthew Bellamy announced that he was going to sport a Braylon Edwards jersey at the Cavs-Heat game after being removed from Progressive Field for wearing a LeBron Heat jersey this past summer, the media was fascinated with how much of a masochist this individual was. But after feeling humiliated and deflated after Thursday night’s game, it occurred to me that indeed I along with every other Cleveland sports fan is an even greater masochist than Mr. Bellamy. 
   As Browns, Indians and Cavalier supporters, we feel compelled to flock like sheep to as many games as we can regardless of the quality of the actual product. In fact, in a desperate way to rationalize our thankless loyalty, a badge of honor is worn on our chests for wolfing down the largest amounts of shit sandwiches. Gladly, the local organizations take advantage of our delusions and attempt to guilt us into believing that it is one’s civic duty to return every year for more misery. The entire vicious cycle is such a tragedy considering how a beautiful game that provides many lessons can become so perverted due to the inordinate type of money it produces. So, perhaps it would be wise to treat professional sports as an intelligent consumer rather than a diehard fanatic. After all, it’s just business.


Friday, December 3, 2010

Taking Our Talents Anywhere Else

Do not attend another Cavs game… ever!!!

  • Cut Anthony Parker!!! Anthony are you deaf? Are you blind? Are you stupid???  Even if you are you still should have tackled Dwayne Wade on the 1st play of the game.  Candace would have, then again she probably has a bigger set than you.  You had a chance to set a hard nose tone for the game and give the fans exactly what they wanted, blood!!! Instead you rolled out the red carpet, pulled up to a jog and watched Dwayne Wade dunk.  Hopefully your pathetic face winds up on D Wades next Nike poster right under his nut sack.   

  • Ohh and what did Byron Scott, the Cavaliers coach and participant in the Celtics-Lakers rivalry of the 1980’s; arguably the most heated rivalry in NBA history in which guys were routinely clothes lined on fast breaks, do?  He let you play another 19 ½ min, shoot 1 of 4 record ZERO rebounds and turn the ball over 4 times.  Then the rest of your teammates followed your lead the entire night.  Lebron was barely touched. The most contact Anderson Varejao made with him was pregame hug.  JJ Hickson joked with him during the game.  Mo Williams shot 2-8.

  • Am I taking crazy pills? What the hell was going on last night???  Did that game really happen??? Are the Cavs players really that oblivious to their surroundings, the city, the people of Cleveland? Or do they just not give a shit??? 

  • And Dan Gilbert you are not getting off easy either.  How did Maverick Carter get a seat at half court???  How did he get in the building???  He had a better seat than Bernie Kosar, Josh Cribbs, and Drew Carey???  This guy may be worse than Lebron.  He has fostered everything that is wrong with Lebron. He came up with the “Decision” the single biggest bag-over-the-head-punch-in-the-face in the history of sports!!!  How do you let that happen???

  •  Crazy pills?!?!?!?!

  • Unfortunately, the Return is indicative of what the NBA has become, a Love-Fest.  All the players love each.  They hug before games.  They hug after games. They hug at half time.  They make dinner plans during FT’s.  They hit the clubs (and groupies) together.  It is a total joke.  NBA players are over paid, entitled and oblivious to real life.  Most have been told how great they are since age 12 by their parents, friends, agents and uncles.  Coaches have feared them and they have never been held accountable for their actions because most of the people in their lives didn’t want them to take their talents somewhere else.  The NBA is killing itself and last night was a fistful of sleeping pills washed down with 18 glasses of Cristal Champagne.

Hardworking people of NE Ohio, please spend your money some place else!!!


Friday, October 29, 2010

Writer's Roundtable: First Edition

  Due to a recent wave of significant events in the sports universe, we felt that it was time to break out the big guns, a writer's roundtable.  Nine questions and five writers, here we go:

1. How many games will the Cavs win this season? Will they make the playoffs?

Kevin:  As the roster currently stands, it's difficult to envision the Cavs being able to win 40 or more games this season. However, I do expect the Cavalier players to embrace Byron Scott's Princeton-style offense, which is vital considering how a team that provides a consistently strong effort in the NBA normally wins its fair share of games. Ultimately, I believe the Cavs will finish with a 38-44 record and clinch the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference where they will meet the Miami Heat in the first round of the playoffs. I hope to be in attendence for one of the games in the series sporting my "BEAT THE HEAT!" free t-shirt, while holding a sign reading: "Hey LeBron, you may have come from your mother, but Delonte came in your mother!"

Adam: The line closed at 30 1/2.  I will take the over for 1 unit not a lock by any stretch.  I think they are a 35 win team.  As a fan I want them to win every game but as a realistic fan I wish they would tank 2 years in a row and get draft picks.

Bobby: Cavs will win 36 games this year and obviously miss the playoffs...but I can see them contending for the 8th seed

John: Hopefully 9, but this being Cleveland I am sure they will win 30 or so, make the playoffs, lose in the first round and miss the lottery.

Andrew: I really think they'll exceed the pathetic expectations that they've been given by the national media. With Byron Scott uptempo offense, they should reach around 42 or so wins, especially if JJ Hickson develops puts up all star type numbers. Their frame of reference should be last year's Milwaukee Bucks, a team that most observers had rendered irrelevant in the preseason, and ended up being a playoff team thanks in large part to great coaching and leadership from Scott Skiles. If they end up securing the 7th seed, and Miami the 2nd, I will donate a spleen and a kidney to secure a Cavs upset.

2. Which teams advance to the NBA Finals and who wins the series?

Kevin: Lakers over Heat in the NBA Finals. Though the media will be fixated on the long awaited Kobe vs. LeBron matchup, the series will be determined by the battle of the big men. I expect the Lakers' bigs, namely Pau Gasol, to prevail against Miami's Chris Bosh and whoever they decide to stick at center. Phil Jackson rides into the sunset and off to his commune with his 12th championship and FOURTH "three-peat" as a head coach, while Kobe Bryant receives his sixth and final ring. Also, look for a massive parade down Euclid Avenue celebrating LeBron's failure.

Adam: In the East it is Miami, Boston, Orlando, Chicago and everyone else.  I think the Bucks,Bobcats, and Hawks get in for sure.  Then someone will back their way in only b/c you have to have 8 teams.  Pacers are my surprise 8 seed with a 35-47 record.  Everyone else is that bad. 

Bobby: Celtics over Thunder in 6

John: Orlando v LA. LA

Andrew: In the playoffs, great teams beat great players, that's why the Celtics will beat the Heat in the Conference Finals, and the Oklahoma City Thunder will represent the West. Celtics in six. I'm pretty sure I stole that prediction from Bill Simmons.

3. What major injury would you most enjoy see LeBron suffer from?

Kevin: In what can be referred to as a "douche-on-douche crime," the LeBrontourage clash with the scholars from "Jersey Shore" at a nightclub in South Beach where a dispute on the proper way to fist-pump turns into an ugly brawl. Bron-Bron suffers an actual sprained elbow, a broken leg and a scar on his arm that is inevitably covered up with some self-congratulatory tattoo.

Adam: Anything groin related.

Bobby: I would rather see him healthy and never wing a ring.

John: What an awesome question. I would like to see him take a 2k light to the face on a Nike shoot, and burst into flame.

Andrew: During the Cavs & Heat game on Dec. 2nd in Cleveland, former Mr. Tonya Harding and eternal sex tape king Jeff Gilooly, hires out his favorite goon, Shane Stant, to work his Kerrigan magic on Mr. Twitter.

4. How do you feel about the impending decade of the NBA considering the high possibility of a lockout next season and the new "superteam" trend?

Kevin: One of the primary reasons that "The Decision" by LeBron James to take his zero rings to South Beach was generally condemned was due to the fact that by teaming up with Chris Bosh and especially Dwyane Wade, James violated one of the golden rules in basketball: Two of the best players must play against each other not with each other. So, the birth of the "superteams" in the NBA, could very well be its death as one of the more popular sports in America. Especially in mid to small markets across America such as Cleveland, Milwaukee, Indiana, Minnesota, etc. where players generally avod those places as free agents, but may now scheme their way out of these franchises if they happen to suffer the cruel fate of being drafted there. During the negotiations for the new collective bargaining agreement, it is imperative that a franchise tag or another method is implemented that could help prevent a repeat of this past summer in Miaimi.

Adam: The League has to get free agency under control.  The can not allow players to manipulate the system that way they did this past summer.  It is not good for competition and it breeds ill-will with the fan base.  Proven by the reception Lebron received in Boston.  Celtics fans should love the guy, he laid down and let the C's breeze through a series on their way to the finals.  I can also foresee a cut in salaries.  This thing is going to get messy, not what the NBA needs right now.

Bobby: My answer is so long winded that it deserves a column to itself.

John: Impending decade? Shit man, my bookie says they only plan out the next 2 seasons. On a serious note though, I love labor disputes. Do you think we will see KG manning the blockades of Bentleys around TD Garden?

Andrew: Growing up as a child of the 90's, memories of Jordan's Bulls, Miller's Pacers, Stockton and Malone's Jazz, and Ewing's Knicks forbids me from embracing the "superteams." Although David Stern may be creaming his dockers with the thought of record-breaking ratings for the Miami threesome and a potential Knicks trio of Amare, Carmelo, and CP3, the majority of fans will simply turn off and tune out. A lockout seems inevitable, and it should be thrilling to watch Maverick Otis Carter try to survive while Bron Bron is on a yearlong paycheck hiatus.
5. Who wins the World Series?

Kevin: Giants over Rangers. The Giants win their first title in San Francisco thanks to an extraordinary bullpen, clutch hitting and bad-ass beards that most of the players have grown.
Adam: San Francisco. Brian Wilson's beard is the deciding factor, unless Ron Washington get grow the balding 'fro out in the next day or so.

Bobby: The World Series started?...Rangers in 6

John: Texas. Yawn.

Andrew: Giants in six. Brian Wilson introduces the rest of America to the machine.

6. What ride are you looking forward to riding the most at the Indians' first annual Snow Days event?

Kevin: Let me just say that I believe Snow Days at Progressive Field is a tremendous idea that could very well rescue the city of Cleveland's economy. I'm so excited to ride the Slide Down Into Irrelavence though I am concerned that the Dolans may get rid of the ride if it becomes too popular.

Adam: I am going to start a snowball fight with David Huff.  I know he will never hit me because I am not a bat. 

Bobby: Definitely the Winter Haven...who wouldn't want to stroll through the Indian's outfield featuring winter lights?

John: I'm looking forward to the Greg Brinda "Slide into Alcohol Fueled Depression". 

Andrew: The Burba Bobsled.

7. How many games do the Browns have to win this season for Eric Mangini to retain his job next year?

Kevin: Eric Mangini will likely have to win at least six games this season with eight victories all but guaranteeing his return to the sidelines next season as the Browns' head coach. However, I predict that the Browns end up with only five victories which would surely lead to Mangini's ouster along with the fact that Mike Holmgren and he possess two very different football philosophies.

Adam: I think he is around next year if they stay competitve.

Bobby: I'd say 6 or 7 to keep his job but he's already earned another year at least in my book. Not only have I been impressed by his weight loss, but this has been one of the more fun Browns team to watch that I can remember. I think he is getting a lot of our players, and our defense is solid. One of the main things that has set the browns back since 99' is the lack of continuity, so hopefully Holmgren sees this and lets him stay another year.

John: 3. Seriously. He is getting 3 years no matter what. I've been saying this all along. 

Andrew: Holmgen is probably going to move on without Mangini returning next season. However, if the Browns somehow get to 8 wins this year, Mangini will have a truly compelling case to come back to the sidelines next year.

8. If you had to decide now, do you believe Colt McCoy is a legitimate franchise quarterback?

Kevin: Although Colt McCoy has played in just two games thus far, I can't help but be very impressed with his performances in both games, especially his debut in Pittsburgh. McCoy's poise and high accuracy are both essential qualities that a legitimate franchise quarterback must possess. The only major questions concerning McCoy are his arm strength and whether or not his height will be too much of a detriment. It is because of those remaining questions that I believe it's imperative that the Browns start Colt McCoy for the remainder of the season, so the Browns can determine what they have with McCoy and whether or not they need to draft a quarterback next April. I'm also curious to see whether Holmgren makes the decision as to who starts at quarterback, or if he leaves the choice up to Mangini.

Adam: Yes, I like his attitude and confidence.  He is going to have to be a Drew Brees type; savvy, accurate and spreads the ball around.

Bobby: He's the next Drew Brees

John: What a Cleveland question. Right now. Sheee. Uh. I'll say yes because he seems to be calm and collected under pressure and the game doesn't seem like it moves too fast for him. 

Andrew: Too early to say. Brady Quinn had a pretty auspicious debut in '08, and we all saw how that that one turned out. However, McCoy's ability to throw accurately downfield, and manage the game without sabotaging his team's chances for victory, is certainly a welcoming sign. Colt needs to start for the remainder of the season to see if he possess all the intangibles necessary over the course of a schedule, and to spare us the sight of watching Jake Delhomme throw into quadruple coverage.

9. Who do you feel is the worst quarterback that the Browns have started since 1999?

Kevin: Ken Dorsey has to undoubtedly be the absolute worst quarterback that the Browns have trotted out since their return in 1999. Although the team has an entire generation of stiffs to line up under center, none of them forced me to contemplate whether or not I could watch another football game at any level. Except Dorsey. His noodle arm defied physics, while the fact that he was a quarterback in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE defied logic. Although the Browns still remain an underwhelming bunch, just remember that it could be worse: Ken Dorsey could be the quarterback.

Adam: So many choices, is Spergon Wynn too easy??? OK Ty Detmer.  

Bobby: Mulled over this for hours and just couldn't decide between Doug Pederson and Ken Dorsey.

John: Either Luke McCown or Spergon Wynn.

Andrew: Bruce Gradkowski's 0.0 quarterback rating against Pittsburgh takes the cake.