Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Steamer Six-Pack: Super Bowl/Sick Contributors Edition Sponsored by Zima Pineapple Citrus

                              "Zomething different"

Disclaimer: Both myself and Bobby Platten are under the weather today, although we are steadfast in believing that answering the following six questions will only strengthen our respective legacies. Over the years, there have been numerous incidents where Cleveland sports bloggers have defined the odds and produced formidable material.  Who could ever forget the guy who runs Cleveland Frowns hurling up blood as he pounded away on his keyboard to let the world know how working at the Plain Dealer had absolutely corrupted Tony Grossi? With my eleven year vomit-free streak in severe jeopardy, here is your Steamer Six-Pack: Super Bowl/Sick Contributor Edition. And, as always, sponsored by Zima Pineapple Citrus. 

Question 1: Is the Super Bowl nowadays worthy of the massive hype, or has the hoopla officially gone completely overboard?

Bobby Platten: It has gone completely overboard. If you're a team playing in the game it has become more how are you going to handle the "noise" surrounding the game than it is how you are going to actually play in the damn game. 

Kevin Scheid: Regardless of how popular any event may currently be, NOTHING is deserving of this type of suffocating devotion. Modern America as a whole has become a culture of excess and redundancy, and the Super Bowl coverage perfectly embodies this trait. Between a week filled with a selective few narratives being shoved down the public's throat at every opportunity (The "Jerome Bettis is from Detroit!" storyline has thrown itself in front of a bus after its envy of Ray Lewis retirement segments was simply too unbearable.) and a Super Bowl pregame show long enough that Dan Marino's lovechild just turned 30 years old, it makes even hardcore NFL junkies like me completely resent the collective worship for the NFL.

Question 2: Which transpires first: Cleveland hosting a Super Bowl, or the Browns playing in a Super Bowl?

Bobby Platten: 
Browns playing in the Super Bowl. As crazy as that sounds. I just do not see Cleveland ever getting the Super Bowl. The outdoor super bowl in NYC is going to be disaster and I still say it is a little far-fetched that Haslam will be putting a dome over the stadium. I mean has an open-air stadium ever been converted to a dome before? Is this even possible? Even if JH3 pulls it off does anyone really believe the NFL will award the Super Bowl to Cleveland?

Kevin Scheid: Since Cleveland is stuck somewhere between Damascus, Syria and Atlantis on the NFL's list of Desired Super Bowl Locations, by default, the Browns playing in a Super Bowl is a likelier scenario. My hope of being able to watch the Browns win a Super Bowl with my grandfather grows dimmer every year, and my hunch tells me that my own grandchildren will share the same dream as the organization eventually approaches towards a full century of futility. 

Question 3: What is your favorite Super Bowl memory?

Bobby Platten: Too many to choose from. John Elway winning back to back in the 90s... Ray Lewis winning the MVP for Art Modell... The Steelers beating the Seahawks in one the most one sided officiated games I've ever seen... Watching Ben Roethlisberger throw a game winning TD pass to Santonio Holmes...Nipplegate.

Kevin Scheid: A tie between U2'S emotionally-charged halftime performance for the first Super Bowl following 9/11 and Bill Belichick storming off to the showers before the game clock expired as the Patriots' perfect season was dismantled by the Giants. 

Question 4: If you could invite any three people, dead or alive, to your Super Bowl party, who are you calling?

Bobby Platten: Jim Brown, Bernie Kosar and Tony Rizzo. (In my dreams..) More realistically my dad, brother and cousin.

Kevin Scheid: F. Scott Fitzgerald, a 25-year old Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Holmgren. Fitzgerald's French Onion dip is so delightful that it will "murder your darlings."

Question 5: Who wins the big game tonight and what is the final score?

Bobby Platten: 49ers 27 Ravens 20

Kevin Scheid: Ravens 23, 49ers 17

Question 6: Favorite member of each set of brothers: Harbaughs, Baldwins, Kennedys, Wayans, Scheids.

Bobby Platten: Jim. Alec. Bobby. Marlan. Adam.

Kevin Scheid: Fuck you, Bob....


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